Tank's Rants
by Mbissbinkola
Summary: Tank is here in the current time. And he's fucking confused and has plenty to rant about. OTPs, Call of Duty Fanboys/Girls, Richtofen. You name it, he'll gladly rant about it.
1. Fucking Welcome

Okay. What the fuck?

Somehow, don't fucking ask me why, but somehow, I ended up here. In this room. In front of this computer. In a completely different motherfucking time line.

I mean, god damn it! I just got used to living on the moon. The. Fucking. Moon. And not to mention in the sixties. And where am I from?

The.

Motherfucking.

Fourties.

And you may be asking: Who the hell is this crazy fucker?

I'm the badass war hero Tank Dempsey, that's who. Hell, I wouldn't be suprised if you had no clue who I was. You must be some lonesome idiot sitting on the computer. But then again, you wouldn't have clicked on this if you didn't know who I was, wouldn't ya? If you do know about me, then you know I'm badass enough to figure out how to use these damned things. I thought computers would only be for nerds and Nazi scientists. Then they invented the mouse and the Intenet.

And a little thing called Fanfiction was invented somewhere along that. I mean seriously. Seriously? Write your own fucking stories for once! You put a little fourth grader through enough!

Seriously, poor kid. He has to go through all that shit at such a young age. And then he comes across this shit...you people make me shudder. And that's coming from a guy who has lived on the moon, killing the shit out of zombies. A guy who has survived World War Two. A guy who lives with an insane Nazi, a drunk ass Soviet, and a quiet Jap. A guy who had to kill zombies in numerous ways. You putting a little kid through the shipping train...I can't think of a worse torture. I'm going through it myself. It's not as bad, because our fandom is pretty small compared to the South Park fandom or the MLP fandom. Fucking MLP. I hate your fandom so much. It's sickening. But let's save that rant for another day.

But let me tell you, I'm fucking confused as to how I'm here. We were all on the moon. We just fell asleep, and poof! We're fucking here.

Even Richtofen's confused. The fucking bastard has no clue how we got here.

But we met this girl, she's only fourteen, and she wants me to type this. She's nice, I guess, but she can be a fangirl at times. And she ships me and another one of my team mates. If I can even call them that. I'll leave that for another rant, too.

I'm done for now. I have so much to rant about. But I need to keep it on one subject.

Good bye for now, fuckers.

**OOC: Dang, Tank! Why do you swear so much?**

**You guys can choose what he can rant about next. :3**

**This is going to be fun~!**


	2. Fucking Fanfiction

Well. I'm back.

And I'm fucking pissed.

Why? Because of this stupid website.

Fanfiction.

First of all can't you make a regular story? Y'know: an original one? One that doesn't involve 'yaoi' or 'yuri' or 'yiff' of other characters that aren't even yours. You know what? Keep the Yuri. That shit's hot as fuck.

Anyfuckingwho, fanfictions are just...how do I describe this? Uncool. I know I'm being soft, but fucking stupid seems too cruel. Because there are actually some good fanfics about us. Y'know, about me and the rest just killing shit and trying to survive. Some have pretty logical 'head cannons' about us, too. And some are pretty spot on. But, the rest is shit.

Don't even get me started on the yaoi. First of all, how do you even pronounce that? Yow-ee, right? Ha. That sounds like someone got hurt seeing what it was.

Anyway, the type of homo-erotic shit you imagine and type up to post on Fanfiction is just...disturbing.

And most of it happens to contain me and Richtofen...that's just fucking gross. He's an old ass man. And he happens to be looking over my shoulder right now. He's giggling like a little bitch at what I'm writing. One second. Let me get rid of him.

Well, that took a while. I just managed to push him out of the room. He was pretty damn pissed. The only reason he isn't in here right now is that Nikolai managed to get him to calm down by offering him beer.

Normally, it would be vodka, but that hardly works on the fucking kraut. And Kola's parents happened to have some beer in their fridge. Richtofen said something in German, Nikolai laughed and _dragged_ him into Kola's kitchen. It was the funniest fucking thing to see that Nazi bastard being dragged away. I'm not joking. He kicked and screamed and everything. Even Takeo chuckled.

Anyway, back on topic.

The yaoi is fucking creepy. Richtofen would probably think so if he knew about it. Thankfully, he doesn't, because Kola doesn't want him to either fanboy or kill everyone.

Don't even get me started on the other pairings.

Nikolai almost threw up when we found out about our 'ship'. We're only friends damn it! I mean...ew! It's so fucking disgusting! I'm going to save this rant for another day.

Takeo and I just won't work. Even IF I was gay, which I'm not, that wouldn't work out. That's all I have to say about that.

Anyway, the other fanfictions are weird, too. Us becoming cats, us becoming chicks, us dying...you name it, I bet it'll be there.

I hate how they make us so emotional. We don't fuckin' care about much other than who wins a game of cards and who needs reviving. Sure, if one of us die...we'd be pretty damn sad. Hell, if Nikolai died, I'd be sad. I mean, who wouldn't be if you're stuck with a person you can't stand and a person who wants nothing to do with you? But they make us cry. They make us wanna die. I wouldn't wanna fuckin' die if that happened! I would wanna move on! I'm saving this rant for another fuckin' day too.

Fanfiction itself is an okay website. But...Jesus fuckin' Christ, this whole website is full of mushy, disgusting romance stories. Hopefully you won't find alot of crap and AT LEAST find something decent.

...I'm done. I'm all ranted out.

Is that even a word? Ranted out...?

Fuck it, it is now.

**OOC: Sorry I didn't post in a while! I was grounded off my iPod and the computer for a while, so yeah...**

**Secrets: He ranted about the terrible fics on here, as you can see. XD Thanks for Reviewing! For a while it seemed like I was the only person left in the fandom.**


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